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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23759485">Not So Perfectly Cut Screams</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaKedeSnaKe/pseuds/JaKedeSnaKe'>JaKedeSnaKe</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Steven Universe (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adorable, F/F, Family Fluff, Gem Egg Hell, Gemlings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 17:21:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,090</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23759485</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaKedeSnaKe/pseuds/JaKedeSnaKe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Lapis watches a Perfectly Cut Screams compilation and gets an idea.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Not So Perfectly Cut Screams</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Happy Weed Day y’all</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lapis sauntered up the stairs, her phone clutched in her hand. She had just finished one of those “Perfectly Cut Screams” videos on TubeTube, where one of the clips was a cockatoo squawking after its owner “disappeared” behind a blanket. That little clip cemented an idea into Lapis’ head that really just <i>had</i> to be put into motion.</p><p>She scaled the stairs of her and Peridot’s two-story home nestled deep within Little Homeworld. Reaching the second floor she passed by Peridot’s hydroponics station and her mini-gallery to her and Peridot’s room. </p><p>She hesitated a moment before opening their door. A month ago their babies contracted the gem equivalent of the common cold, and Peridot began entering and exiting cases of extreme maternal instinct. During their sickness Peridot acted almost animalistic and extremely hostile to anybody in her gemlings’ vicinity. The illness finally subsided about a week or so ago - thank the stars - but the technician still experienced bouts of hyper-protectiveness.</p><p>Lapis shuddered. She could still remember the utter shock and confusion (and slight arousal) she felt earlier that week when she was reclining on the living room couch only to see her wife - bare ass naked - crawl down the stairs, grab Lapis’ blanket off of the couch with her mouth, snarl at her, and then retreat upstairs to help her gemlings get warm.</p><p><i>Yeesh.</i> Why was she bothering going through with this again? Oh, yeah, her idea’s kinda funny. <i>And</i> it would give a better understanding on how much her children have grown mentally, but it was primarily for comedy.</p><p>The artist creaked open the door a sliver. “. . . Peridot?” she croaked warily.</p><p>“Oh, hey Lapis!” a jovially nasal voice responded.</p><p>Lapis felt the unease melt off her shoulders. She fully opened the door and entered their room.</p><p>The room looked sort of like a conspiracy nut’s. Or an occultist’s. Posters of various colors and stripes were plastered about the walls. Small meep-morps adorned various shelves and bedside tables. And that was how it <i>normally</i> used to look. For several years now there was a whole-ass nest in one of its corners.</p><p>Their gemlings’ nest was comprised of about every soft material known to man. Pillows, blankets, quilts, cotton sheets, stuffing, hell they even threw some tissues into the mix. They once tried adding foam peanuts - anything to ensure maximum comfiness for their offspring - but quickly expelled it one their gemlings began eating them. Smack dab in the middle of the nest was Lapis’ pride and joy.</p><p>Her seven babies had progressed so far from the immobile, mostly unresponsive hatchlings they used to be. Several years old now, the four had been able to crawl around for a while now. Their oldest gemling Marigold had even began to experiment with scampering, although this at best resembled a sort of four-legged waddle and usually only lasted a couple moments.</p><p>Some of the gemlings began chirring once they detected Lapis’ scent, happy to see their other mom they had only seen sporadically during the past month. Four of her babies quickly tumbled out of their hodgepodge of a nest and floundered over to Lapis, nudging themselves onto her sandals and pawing at her affectionately. Heart overflowing with love, Lapis cradled the quartet in her arms and nuzzled them. Which was getting harder to do, as they all had more than doubled in size since their hatching and were no longer four or five inches long anymore.</p><p>“Hey, Peri. You doing okay?” she questioned as she held her purring babies.</p><p>The technician nodded, not wanting to talk much further lest she disturb her three napping infants. Beckoning Lapis over with a nudge of her head, she very gingerly moved ofer to let Lapis have some room. Watching her little angels sleep, Lapis’ chest fluttered as she recollected on when her babies first hatched.</p><p>She remembers when they were so, so small. Hell, the smallest - Callie - was only a little over the length of a glue-stick when she first hatched. They slept often, packed together like sardines with barely any space between one another. They barely made any noise except for the occasional chirp or soft hum, and the occasional leg spasm or the rising of their chests in breathing were their only signs of movement.</p><p>Back in the present the four in Lapis’ arms squirmed and writhed in her grasp. Taking the hint, Lapis lowered the gemlings onto the nest. They rejoined their resting siblings’ and began babbling amongst themselves, much to the annoyance of those who were sleeping.</p><p>You didn’t need any sort of infrared technology to see the warmth radiating off of Peridot and Lapis at the sight of their offspring. The couple absolutely beamed as they watched their all awoken gemlings play with each other, offering the occasional hand to guide a gemling off of their sibling whenever they climbed on top of each other.</p><p>Lapis, not knowing when she would get an opportunity like this to be with her family again, decided to let a couple minutes pass and soak in the moment before asking Peri about what she originally came up for in the first place. “Hey Peri, lemme show you this video.”</p><p>The gem in question nudged closer to Lapis, who presented her the clip she saved on her phone. A cockatoo’s owner showed himself being behind a blanket while saying “peekaboo” to the white bird. He threw up the blanket and ran off while it was suspended in the air. When the blanket fell the cockatoo became real confused, and let out one squawk before the video abruptly ended.</p><p>Peridot began roaring after watching the clip, and if it weren’t for her babies being so close near by she would have doubled over laughing.</p><p>“Oh man, that’s a hoot,” Peridot commented, wiping a tear from her eye.</p><p>Her wife was also chuckling heartily. “I know, right? And watching that gave me an idea . . . “ </p><p>“About what?”</p><p>Lapis motioned over to their children, a sly grin on her face.</p><p>Peridot instantly frowned at her idea. “Are you insinuating that we do to our children what that human did to that frighteningly white bird?”</p><p>“I mean, kinda?”</p><p>The green gem scoffed in indignation for her babies. “You’re insane! Why would you want to do that?”</p><p>“Relax, Peri, I’m positive it <i>won’t</i> hurt them! Our kids aren’t the same defenseless gems that would cry at everything besides ourselves. I mean, wouldn’t this be a good idea to see how our children have grown? Y’know, seeing if they’ve moved past peekaboo?”</p><p>“Well, I <i>guess</i> that could be an interesting method,” Peridot admitted after a moment of thought.</p><p>Lapis smirked innocently. “Plus, it would be kinda funny, if their reaction is anything like that bird’s.”</p><p>“Like, just harmless, humorous confusion?” she made sure to ask for clarification. Lapis nodded as her smile widened.</p><p>Peridot grumbled. “Argh, it <i>would</i> be funny.” She sighed. “Alright, I’ll allow it. But <i>you’re</i> gonna be the one with the blanket.”</p><p>Lapis gave her wife a peck on the cheek. “Deal.”</p><p>The blue gem stood up and grabbed a blanket from their bed before walking over to the room’s entrance. Peridot stepped out of the nest and sat cross-legged in the center of the room, closer to the doorway. Her gemlings, eager to once more be by her side, wriggled after her and sat in the space between her criss-crossed legs.</p><p>“Wait, hold on a sec!” Peridot requested. She whipped out her phone from her gem and levitated it over to the side a couple feet, fitting Lapis, the gemlings, and her into the camera frame.</p><p>Lapis gave a fake snicker of contempt. “Oh, you were against this idea from the start and <i>now</i> you wanna record it?” she chastised innocuously as she crossed her arms.</p><p>“Hey! It’s for . . . research purposes,” she retorted, offering her rebuttal.</p><p>“Sure, yeah, that video’s gonna be used <i>only</i> for ‘research purposes.’” Lapis smirked playfully.</p><p>“Just get on with it, okay? You know certainly well the two of us will be laughing at this video later on!”</p><p>The blue gem rolled her eyes as she smiled wholeheartedly. Holding the blanket up just below her chin she smiled and cooed at her children, who chirped and squealed at her. She then brought it up over her head, temporarily concealing her before lowering it back down to her chin. This went on for a couple times until Lapis knew she convinced her gemlings that she would keep hiding behind the blanket. That was until she threw up the blanket and used it as cover to dash down the hallway and away from her babies’ point of view.</p><p>Complete silence echoed across the room. The surprise gimmick had managed to quell the gemlings’ incessant wiggling and squirming as the seven gazed upon the spot where their mother just was.</p><p>“. . . <i>Pii</i>?”</p><p>“. . . <i>Ree</i>?”</p><p>Then all Hell broke loose.</p><p>All seven of Lapis and Peridot’s offspring began sobbing. And I mean <i>sobbing</i>, like you could hear that racket from outside the house. Almost instantly Lapis and Peridot realized their horrible mistake, with the former quickly barging back into the room with remorse strewn across her face.</p><p>“I’m here! I’m here!” she frantically called to her babies, who were initially too distraught to notice. It was only when Lapis knelt down beside Peridot and her gemlings did they recognize her presence, and soon mewled and purred ferociously as they began crawling all over her.</p><p>The pit in Lapis’ stomach only deepened. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she sobbed as Marigold shook against her leg and Callie whimpered in her arms.</p><p>“This is <i>exactly</i> why we shouldn’t have gone through with that harebrained scheme!” Peridot barked, feverishly assisting in calming their infants. </p><p>She instantly quelled her admonishment as she heard genuine cries coming from Lapis. Her whole frame trembled, her back was arched, her face was scrunched in pain, and tight sobs occasionally escaped from her twisted maw. “I - I’m a horrible person.”</p><p>Peridot’s eyes widened at hearing her wife’s gravelly confession, and soon rushed to lay consoling hands on her shoulders. “No! No, no, no, no - you are in  <i>no</i> way a terrible person!”</p><p>“But I - I <i>said</i> that they would be fine and I <i>traumatized</i> them!” she sobbed, her voice warbling.</p><p>“You only scared them a bit, Lapis!” Peridot reassured. </p><p>“They s-<i>shouldn’t</i> be around me,” the terraformer lamented, choking on her words. “I just, keep hurting people, no matter <i>what</i> I do.”</p><p>Peridot couldn’t bear the thought of her mate leaving them out of her misguided attempts at keeping them safe, and she knew her children felt the same. The technician knew that she had to gracefully snap Lapis out of her current state of mind, or else she’d do something drastic. Thankfully, her children were eager to assist her.</p><p>“. . . Lapy, look.”</p><p>The gem in question cautiously opened her eyes, looking at Peridot. The green gem motioned her head down to Lapis’s lap. Her children were ogling at her with their deep black eyes. They were still so impossibly young, and yet their eyes displayed evident concern. Some gemlings rubbed their heads against Lapis, others mewled affectionately, and little Callie wiggled and squirmed in her arms in a bid to cheer her up.</p><p>“See? They’re trying to lift your spirits!” she gushed. “I can tell you with absolute certainty that our children will <i>never</i> stop loving you,” she crooned. “They love us so much, just as much as we love them. Nothing can ever possibly take that away.”</p><p>Her wife sniffled as she smiled warmly. “Thank you, Peri,” Lapis said, voice oozing with gratitude. “Sorry about, thinking that.”</p><p>“You have nothing to apologize for,” Peridot responded as her hands on her wife’s shoulders squeezed reassuringly. </p><p>The couple remained there on the bedroom floor for several more minutes, waiting for the gemlings to fully calm down. Suddenly Lapis snickered. “You wanna watch any more of those videos with me?”</p><p>“Only if we share a pair of headphones,” Peridot requested. “I don’t want the kids getting scared over so many screams.”</p><p>Soon the pair and their children were nestled within the confines of their impossibly cozy nest, where Peridot and Lapis would occasionally laugh at an especially funny clip. But not <i>too</i> loudly as to disturb their children, who resumed napping. All except Marigold, who forced her groggy self to stay up and pat at the bright screen full of vibrant colors, to which her parents found more amusing than the videos themselves.</p><p>And like that they stayed well into the night.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here’s the link if y’all are curious:</p><p>https://www.reddit.com/r/perfectlycutscreams/comments/c8r4hi/peekaboo/</p></blockquote></div></div>
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